Dr. NoOne

All of you must be missing me and my incredibly thoughtful insights into your mental health and well-being.

As a registered dietician in the state of California and a Board Certified mental health expert, I am once again able to come forth (or fifth) with my latest findings.

I will start with the bad news. The answer to most people’s problems have nothing to do with me, and I therefore   steadfastly deny any charges other than those that show up next month on your credit card.

The good new is, that I have discovered that the knee bone is connected to the jaw bone just as they sang about in that song that you didn’t listen to properly because your sister was getting all the attention.

Eating too much is a knee jerk reaction to seeing something you want to chew which causes your knees to move you unwittingly towards the huge pie that has your name written on it in icing sugar

We all know that Mrs . Reagan said “Just say NO” but we can’t say no because my mum says not to eat with your mouth full. `So on and on we go, knee jerking our jaws into chomping unwillingly nay I say unto thee unthinkingly as our minds have been switched off by the pie’s allure!

There is no cure for Piallure and it isn’t even listed in my medical history books or the Michelin guide.

Perhaps someone reading this knows the latin word for it and can save us all from the knee surgery that awaits us in the vicious circle of pie,knee , jaw, Almond Joy, Mars bars, pie.

Yes we all have to be aware and it helps to keep singing the song Dem Bones, not to be confused with the Dem Party which is not until next year.


They added some extra  parts to sound like real Doctors, but only caused more dietary confusion!

But look how fit and fab they are in their knowledge of what goes where and when!!!!!

Eat less, exercise more!

I rest my cases!

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Mrs. Wilson

Dr. NoOne, do you possess a Doctor of Divinity or a Doctor of Medicine degree? Or maybe both? I’m a bit confused because there’s a guy out there posing as you with a clerical collar. Or are you one and the same or is he your “evil twin”?


Dr, Dr, help me! Help me!! I listened to Peter’s show on Sirius last Saturday, and now I am addicted! Oh dear, what shall I do?

Lady K / Ms. Cupcake

OP…….OP….OP….OP…………..Oppan Gangnam Style………………..at a recent Paul McCartney concert, Paul’s drummer burst into a little Gangnam style dance (at least his upper torso)……just wondering if Dave (yer drummer) or you and yer band have any desire to partake in this recent dance craze??? It is very catchy…(at least de world thinks so)…..and I think it is a good way to link up all dem bones in de body………….besides……who doesn’t want to pretend they’re riding de horse? on de trail???

Claudia B

Brrrrrrgh! Antwerp looks cold and wintery . . . . but, then I guess its that time of year! Hope you’re able to bring some real heat to the Sportzplatz (a sort of holiday thaw, so to speak). Even tho SoCal’s been rather rainy and cool this Fall . . . . bet it’ll feel really nice to get home for a few days to warm up!

Claudia B

WOW!! Looking at the picture of the crowd you’re playing to tonite . . . . must bring you back to early days and stadium tours!


That was a HUGE crowd – what a THRILL!! I’m positive that you guys were the stars of the evening! Belgium is beautiful, hope you got to enjoy the fun stuff (chocolate). Safe travels home!

esther fleischer

Hi: My name is esther fleischer. I was at your concert at BBKings Blues Club. I really love your music.You are a great performer. I would love to meet you in person and speak to you. Please let me know when you will be in the New York area again. I would love to see you in other concerts.
I have all your music.

Claudia B

Dear Peter,
Hope you’re having yourself a very merry little visit with your family . . . . . and can we hope to have you flash us back a picture or two of your adventures in Antwerp?


Loved the show in Tarrytown New York the other night. I tried to request HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN by using Sirius email but it did not go through. My very tall son said you were the best of all the sixties people I have brought him to see except for Paul McCartney. So you beat out Ringo and his All Star band, Eric Burden, Rod Stewart, Marianne Faithful and many more. I think Eric Burden was a close second. Would see you again you were so good. Jean and Malcolm Michael of Tarrytown


Dr. Noone,
Do you have a remedy for an ankle & foot that like to do the “twist?”
I want to prevent myself from falling from a twisted foot in the future.

The reason I ask is last week, as I walked down our basement steps, my left ankle & foot “twisted” on me and I fell down the last 3 stairs to the basement floor! Ouch! I felt a very sharp pain in my left foot and it swelled up! I went to a foot doctor, had my foot x-rayed. Thank heavens I only sustained a partially torn ligament in my left foot. The doctor fitted my left foot with a huge portable boot that I have to wear for the next 3 or 4 weeks!

I’d like to know how to prevent twisting my ankle & foot in the future. I don’t feel much like singing, “Let’s Do the Twist” and “This boot was made for Walking” right now. Thanks for your help, dear Dr. Noone.

Claudia B

OMG!! I’m watching a concert on PBS I never knew existed!! It was filmed in 1981 at Muddy Waters’ Checkerboard Lounge (South Side of Chicago) . . . . Muddy Waters sitting on his little stage playing the blues with THE ROLLING STONES sitting in!!! (Mick, Keith, Ron and Ian) WOW!! Amazing what PBS can dig up for their pledge drives!! Take that Mitt!!

Claudia B

Hmmm . . . . wanted to add a post to a forum displaying MEB’s fantastic group of pictures . . . . but, here my lack of technical skills comes into play again! Anyway, Thanks MEB — the pictures are really FUN!! Will Tarrytown ever be quite the same again??


Your suit, sound and Santa songs were awesome last night at the Tarrytown Music Hall. A very Merry English Christmas to all and a ‘Something Good’ night. I just added all access (iPod, IPad, etc.) to my Sirius subscription so I can listen to you while traveling to your concerts! See you at BB Kings on Sunday night, one of my favorite venues.


Thanks to good Noonatic friends, sitting in the second row last night..I was able to listen to your Wonderous Christmas show via AT&T..

Loved hearing the audience sing along to the Christmas songs..You sounded awesome!! What spirit you bought to them for the season to begin.

I was wondering..as I do from afar..Was Santa Billy trying out a new Doc NoOne diet??
How to sweat off 5 pounds in one evening…LOL You have a fun group of Hermits!!

Wonder if anyone has told Billy the story of when Vance was Herman’s proxy at the cream puff throw !!.. Fun memories


Wow, I haven’t heard that song since maybe grade school, when we made a game of it. Which caused me to Google and find out all the artists who have played and recorded it, from this one to Peter O’Toole(?), which seems strange. Are you next? So I’m wearing this little activity monitor that tells me how much energy I expend every day. When I eat more, it lights up less, so then I have to exercise more. Thanks for the inspiration!


My bones are wobbly from Vertigo, but still connected, thank goodness. LOL! My hand bones couldn’t put much food between my jaw bones this past Thanksgiving, so perhaps Vertigo could be a new diet plan! People could get on spinny things or put merry-go-rounds in their homes and it could be a new diet craze! This could really work! I think I’ll call them “Spinny Things to get Skinny Things” and do an infomercial – just as soon as the dizziness subsides! LOL! :)


Nothing witty or twitty comes to my mind to say except that it’s wonderful to see Dr Noone back home in the blog !

Claudia B

Really, really nice backstage picture in Tarrytown! Not only does Elaine look very relaxed, pretty and ready to enjoy Christmas; you look almost boyish and quite happy to be there too! Please care enough for yourself not to let that slim silhouette get lost again (besides, it certainly makes for a much better look on the shade)!


Dear Dr. NoOne:

I am just Feeling “SILLY” and Reliving my Fun-Filled Past.

Do You Believe in LOVE POTION # 9 ? The #1 APHRODESIAC of the 60’s ?
I’ll Never FORGET my DOCTOR EXPERIENCE when I was FLAT ON MY STOMACH on a table in The Atlantic City Hospital and DOCTOR’S were DOING Their Thing because I had a BIG Dangerous Splinter in the Bottom of my Foot from the Boardwalk chasing You & The Hermits at The HOLIDAY INN.


hi peter i think i will be taking the steps in the hotel 3rd floor i do not like elevators any ways and i guess i will not be eating at the casino restaurant in canada in january unless they have apple pie but i will walk that dreaded hill unless my knee gives out i know my elbow wont see you soon your friend bernice


Dear Dr. NoOne

I came to the conclusion after listening to The Delta Rhythm Boys I will get a good connection of where my bones are connected to :) I remember hearing this song on those old black and white cartoons when I was a kid. Before I leave your office here I got a question how long did it take you to learn all the things that you were taught in med school ?? I bet you know more than Dr. Ben Casey or Dr. Kildare put together :) OK back to my lessons to were my bones are connected to I think I will get it all down pat at the end of the week …..do you think I can ??


Dr. Noone, the NY area Noonatics are eagerly awaiting our scheduled appointment with you on Thursday night in Tarrytown! We will be having dinner before the show (thank you MEB!!!) and would like to know what entree to order to maintain optimum energy levels throughout the show. What do you suggest? We would be happy to bring you something from the to-go menu if you’d like, or we can save a seat for you……a zero carb, zero calorie cannoli perhaps?


I think that we may need assistance from Rev Noone as well…..I need to confess all that I ate at Thanksgiving. There is forgiveness at Jazzercise, I hear ;-)

Claudia B

Oooooh, what a great, salacious idea that is, Jill! Just the thought of writhing around, prone, on a purple, indoor/outdoor, astroturf-type of carpet, moaning and groaning, pounding my fists into the ground (and pulling out large tufts of the turf) while screaming “mea culpa” at the top of my very healthy lungs for all of the imaginary dietary sins I have not committed, all the while having watered down, cheap red wine splashed on me by the Very Reverend Noone (at midnight), who has balanced himself over me with one large, very pointy-toed, steel-tipped, red and black ostrich-skinned cowboy boot planted in the small of my back, as his wicked . . . . errrr, saintly laughter rockets skyward . . . . . gosh, I’m ready for that in this week after Thanksgiving!!

Claudia B

No, it was imaginary. . . . . . but, how very eloquent you are, Pam!


No offense intended Claudia, but on occasion your words do not come across as cleverly as you probably intend them to. In my opinion, the above remarks are a bit over the top for this particular forum. Sometimes a little self-editing and thought before hitting that submit button goes a long way….

Claudia B

Valid point of view, Angelalala (actually, I have a sister named Angela, tho
I think she’d have been slightly amused) . . . . wasn’t aware this forum was
limited to the under-12 crowd! The last time I looked, “mea culpa” wasn’t
a swear word . . . . please tell me what you find so offensive? Could it,
perhaps have been in your imagination??


Serious question; I am a candidate for bariatric surgery (gastric sleeve or gastric bypass) I have over 100 pounds to lose. When I was a child I was a healthy weight. I worked hard at staying a normal weight as a teenager (cross country running, working out 5 days a week at the gym with weight lifting, swimming etc) and I maintained my weight then at 122 pounds. I doubt I could maintain that amount of exercise now but maybe I could? I have recently tried again to eat less and exercise more (South Beach Diet and walking); with some success but progress is slow (I kept off 10 pounds in 3 months). I want to lose the weight naturally but I am discouraged and impatient because of slow progress. I have postponed the surgery in an effort to do it on my own. What do you think I should do? You will not be held accountable for bad advice but I would really appreciate your opinion.


On Thanksgiving, willpower is not there with all the great food that is in front of me.

Noonefest means so much to me even if I can’t afford it. My son gave me money to pay the cell phone bill and I paid the airfare on United Airlines to Memphis instead. Cell phone did not get paid and my son was mad at me. I don’t have the willpower to put priorities in their place.

Retirement will put me in a better position to enjoy more concerts-countdown to 1 1/2 years to go.


Dr, Noone – I went to Cheesecake Factory tonight for cheesecake ( imagine that) and had a slice of the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cheescake. At about 1 billion calories a slice, how many HHSPN concerts must I dance and sing at to work this off? Please reply ASAP as I would like to get started right away! Or straight away, as you Brits say, or is that the Aussies? Anyway , your sound advice would be greatly appreciated :-)

Peter Noone

Sometimes tasty morsels have to be ingested and Cheesecake Factory is the best place to find tasty morsels. I can go in there and look at all the cakes and not eat any of them if I leave my false teeth back at the Panera Bread. One time I saw someone walk in with my teeth in and they ate a banana cheesecake that had my name on it.. FATTY!
I was shocked into silence, and that’s why I am only able to type right now.
If you go to eat and don’t have teeth things are more difficult to ingest.


My biggest dietary weakness is Coconut Mounds bars but sometimes I feel like a nut ( Almond Joys ). Is there any health benefits to either one of these ? They may not be so good for my body but they sure do make me happy when eating them…….. as long as it’s only one or two here and there if I can manage to cut myself off. lol :) Marge from Hermansville, Mi

Peter Noone

There are no benefits from Almond Joys other than feeling good about yourself whilst eating the said tasty morsel. After you eat it, you have to walk up and down 32 flights of stairs at the hotel to get to the other machine for another one.


The holidays sure are a challenge when we see scrumptious food!
Our mouth waters, then we grab a fork and eat a piece of coconut PiAllure!
A good rule of thumb (thumb-nail ?) is to “eat in moderation”.
However, this is easier said than done. . . And I do like my PiAllure done!

Also, I’ve read that each pound you gain increases the forces on the knee four-fold.
So losing a pound would have the opposite effect (taking off four times as much weight from your knees when you walk). Dem Bones would feel like partying more if we’d shed another pound or two!

Peter Noone

Neasles is a common thing these days. It was almost stamped out or on in the 60s when everybody weighed 110 lbs. Any old knee can handle 55lbs (110 divided by 2), and anything more than 110 lbs to someone suffering form neasles is the equivalent of going for a walk whilst carrying a Yamaha Baby Grand Piano. Think about that!!!!
Then you need it tuning!!!


I’m not sure how many hits this website gets each day, but I keep bumping my funny bone on your blog, Dr. Noone… :-)


Perhaps if we keep on hitting on you it will be up in the millions ;-)


Well, it’s too late –I ate the whole thing. . . and we all know that pie are not square, pie are not round, pie are not good for you. I think the Latin word you are looking for is “fugio” (it’s clean–I googled it). It means to run, to flee, to escape, to avoid. . . . to run like the wind, to run like. . . . the wind. Go, save yourself–it’s too late for me—(I’ve actually got my eye on that Black Forest Cake that was leftover from Thanksgiving). What say ye, Dr. Noone? Any drawbacks in having just a little bitty piece of cake———or, OK, cake(s)?


Yes, I am missing your thoughts on my mental health and well being. What do you do when you need a concert bad and can’t get to one till Noonefest?

Peter Noone

science has yet to find a cure for that health problem and some doctors believe it should be listed as a psychologists problem but I suggest you talk this over with your husband and then book a road trip.

Karen (KT)

The date on the whipped cream has expired but the pumpkin pie is new. Is the combination of the 2 safe to eat? Tickets for your show with David Cassidy went on sale today and my knee jerk reaction caused me to just say “charge it”. I must have misunderstood Mrs. Reagan but she is a lovely lady. Thanks for giving!


Don’t rest your cases too high or they will fall on your foot, which will then be disconnected from your leg, which will stll be connected to your knee, which will jerk to your jaw for no good reason.


Good advice Shelley…No need for a jaw to have too much “jerk” in it…


Actually, I am much better known for my work with ouchibus footamis en mouthamis maximus.


Doctor how do I disconnect my finger bones from my debit card as I go down my teenage grandkids’ Christmas lists? Oh well it i fun! I will eat and exercise as I shop.

Peter Noone

try running and wrestling at the mall. accumulatively that is exercise and calorie burning but not anywhere near the food court which of course negates all exercise and thought!

Lady K / Ms. Cupcake

Does this include MUD wrestling? I mean………..it’s hard to eat when your hands are covered in MUD! OK………I admit……I used to eat small amounts of dirt at the front door as a wee child…………but this is how I found the family turtle that had been missing for months….under the door mat….(no relation to Flo & Eddie). I wonder………….is this where the saying…..”SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!” comes from? or better yet……”FERMER LA BOUCHE!” ???

Claudia B

Hmmmmm . . . . . sounds a little more appetizing than my canned pumpkin with Splenda and cinnamon!

Claudia B

Well, this may be Black Friday to some retailers . . . . but, to me, its Rainbow Friday! What a wonderful post Dr. Noone . . . .revives my faith in the medical profession! Whatever subject may not have been your strong point in medical school (anatomy?) is surely made up for by your creativity. (By the way, along those anatomy lines, just read a great quote . . . . . “Our brain is the apparatus with which we think we think” . . . . this was certainly not attributed to a doctor!) The song certainly brings back memories of childhood . . . . I think this was out around the same time as “This Old House”? Also contributing to making this Rainbow Friday, I just received my first PN calendar for 2013 — what a great memento for a small donation to a worthwhile charity (and represents quite a change from my usual impressionists paintings calendars)! If I could make a small Christmas wish, it would be to see a picture from an Atlanta area concert on the 2014 edition. Again, thank you very much, Dr. Noone, for falling back on your large stores of creativity in this apres Thanksgiving post!

Peter Noone

I am not in charge of the appointments so I cannot be held responsible if you are kept waiting for an appearance. Some people try yoga in my waiting room and I have Felicity (my secretary) remind them that a downward dog does not bark or wag it’s tail. This scares the youngsters out of all mental health centres or makes adults believe that they are doing better than they thought!

Claudia B

Dear Dr. Noone:
I know you as a doctor of ill repute, renowned far and wide and, realizing the extreme demand for your services, by all that is honorable, cannot hold you responsible . . . for you know not what you do. Doing the downward dog could be very good exercise in the right environment . . . . but who let the dogs in/errr out anyway? They’re noisy and I’ve tried petting them but they are apt to growl. Maybe its wise that you continue to take your twelve martini lunches and let Felicity reschedule your appointments from behind her tomato-smeared glass window. After all, as any quack worth his salt knows, a great reputation is built on elusiveness.

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